Day 8 – Feeling Great!

So far, so good!!!

First, I have not had any alcohol. I have had thoughts about alcohol, but I have not entertained them. I enjoyed the weekend without the weight of booze. I don’t feel the need to escape from my life today.

Second, I have done yoga every day – even if yesterday was just a few minutes on my own, it definitely counts. As Adriene says, a little goes a long way!

Third, I have meditated every day. Last night Alex and I listened to a sleep hypnosis together and it was verrrry good. We also did a bit of rearranging in the Awesome Room and built a new sideboard table that holds my plants, rock salt lamp, and diffuser which is directly across from my meditation chair and table. The vibe of the Awesome Room is enhanced tenfold with the introduction of the rock salt lamp.

Fourth, I completed four Supernatural workouts in the first week of this challenge. I also did another one this morning.

But fifth, I have not stuck to my 1500 calorie maximum. I did during the week, but on Friday night, I was hungry! So I exceeded my maximum by about 150 calories. Then on Saturday and Sunday I really did not want to track everything. I just wanted to free-feed, I guess. Enjoy myself. I think I still ate well – the food I ate was mostly wholesome. Plus, I get the munchies, and I definitely indulged in some marijuana this weekend.

But, as of this morning, I weighed 135.7lbs, which is just about a pound down from one week ago. And true fitness progress is slow and steady. I aim to maintain these behaviors, and limiting myself too much from good food will simply result in my overeating. Plus I’m staring down at the end of this week which is Thanksgiving. We’re doing just a very small gathering – me, Alex, Grandma, and Uncle Larry – but we’ll still be having mashed potatoes and pumpkin pie and it’s no fun to track your calories on a holiday.

Not drinking alcohol has so far been absolutely key! I am glad to be hangover-free and to be enjoying more tea and sparkly drinks and water.

On to Week 2!

S’elever 365 – Sober 2020

I’ve written about it, talked about it, thought about it, and I know the truth: alcohol sabotages my goals.

Yesterday was the first day of Autumn. A time to reap what you’ve sown, harvest what you’ve tended. It’s also a time to let go and get ready for longer nights. The days are still blazing with the final rays of summer heat, but they are starting to fall prey to the chill of night, to mist, to dew, and very soon, ice.

Winter. A time to withdraw. Get cozy. Stay in. Blink into the blindingly white snow on a sunny day. Sip hot beverages. It’s also so much more difficult to be active, to get out of the house at 6am when temperatures are in the single digits. This time of year will be the most difficult part of my fitness journey: routine not yet established, muscles still growing, still learning exercises, still getting used to eating less. And naturally, we all want to eat the rich, delicious foods of the season – the breads and cakes and meats and stews.

I am also completely serious about taking a mother-daughter trip to Sweden within the next year. And to pull that off, I am going to need a lot of extra money! I can save $300/month starting in February, but I think I will also need to do some hustlin’ to earn cash on the side.

On Monday, September 30th, I am starting the One Year Challenge. And I know I can’t pull it off if I am drinking. Because I won’t have just one drink. And I won’t only drink sometimes. Every time I choose to have one drink, I am choosing to have thousands. And my fitness and financial goals just do NOT work if I am drinking.

But I also know that when I try to take on too many goals at the same time, I get overwhelmed and I fail. See: the Spring disaster where I attempted no alcohol, no sweets, yoga, cardio, and meditation for 100 days. I only accomplished the “no alcohol” part.

So we’ll do this in stages. Working out 4 days per week starting on September 30th. Then a sober October. Take on the holidays while still working out but allowing some indulgence with alcohol and food. Then starting January 1st, 2020 – no alcohol for one year.* By that time, I’ll have my workout routine established (and will hopefully be seeing some results). Alex is game to take this on with me. And then the two of us will travel somewhere with a beach in the Spring so I can show off my rad body. Then my mom and I will take off to Sweden for a mother-daughter trip in the summer. It’ll be an amazing year.

No alcohol means that my diet will be easier to maintain, getting up early easier to do, and I will have more time to hustle for that Sweden money.

Are these goals ambitious? Yes! Achievable? Also, yes!

Let’s get out into the world!!!

*Alex has suggested that we lift this limitation when traveling internationally. I’m still on the fence but leaning towards yes. 🙂

 

Let’s See What Happens

Oh, how many “challenges” and goals I’ve posted here. How few I have seen through.

But I keep coming back again and again to fitness and living alcohol-free. When you fail, you’re supposed to get back up again. Here I am!

Today is I guess another Day 1 of another slew of challenges including abstention from alcohol.

It’s inspired from another trip to Portland where I drank a lot and it wasn’t even really that fun.

It’s inspired from being the heaviest I have ever weighed. From feeling squeezed by my clothing. From hating what I see in the mirror.

2020 has been…god, just horribly challenging. It was easy enough to hit the booze again when the world shut down from the pandemic. Sure wish I hadn’t. It was disappointing when my gym shut down and has yet to reopen. My routine was dashed and I am still recovering.

But we also accepted the changes openly. Seeing that Alex and I are probably sentenced to working from home for the long-haul (I moved out of my work office last week), we built an addition to our home which serves as another office and a space for working out. I have my yoga mat. I have Yoga with Adriene. I have a virtual reality headset that I can use for aerobic exercise. I have my Insight Timer app for meditation. I have workout clothes. I no longer have a commute. And I’m fed up with not feeling like my best self.

So, this what is this Day 1 of, exactly? It’s Day 1 of sobriety, diet, and exercise, of course! And for how long? We’re starting with 30 days. Nice little chunk. Go from there.

So, from today, Monday, November 16th through Tuesday, December 15th, I am committing to the following:

• NO ALCOHOL
• Daily meditation
• Daily yoga
• Supernatural (VR) exercise 3 times per week
• Max 1,500 calories per day

Why? Because I think doing these things regularly for a few weeks will make a difference. I weigh 136.6 pounds as of yesterday. My breasts feel uncomfortably huge. My middle feels heavy too. And my face is round and red and bloated and inflamed.

I’m off work today, taking time to get things in order, I guess. Community meetings. Cats. Cleaning. Relationship. Friendships. Family.

I started with a pretty awesome breakfast of sautéed potatoes, jalapeños, chicken sausage, and an egg white served over mixed greens. Then chili for lunch and sausage and mushroom red sauce over spaghetti squash for dinner.

I still need to meditate and practice yoga and get my Supernatural on.

And I won’t drink tonight.

Maybe in 30 days, after doing all of this for myself, I will feel a little lighter. A little brighter. More energetic. More optimistic. Stronger. Maybe I’ll just feel better. Let’s see what happens.

Day 1 – Morning Routine

My alarm went off at 5am.

I got out of bed and walked over to my phone in the kitchen to shut it off. Whew, I was still sleepy. My brain said, “not uh, let’s sleep more.” But I gently told it “I want to try.”

I went to the bathroom, poured some water in the kettle, and turned on the burner. Set the kitchen lights to 5% brightness. Still yawning, I walked to the office where I had set my little bundle of workout clothes. Atop of them was a sticky note that said:

Maybe this is the answer to life, the universe, and everything.

As I finished dressing, I could already hear the hissing steam of the kettle. I poured the hot water over a peppermint green tea bag in my travel mug and made my way to the couch with my phone and my AirPods. Ira hopped on my lap as I selected the first session of “Understanding Power, Self-Mastery, and the Key to Wise Action” by Nolitha Tsengiwe on InsightTimer. Ira hopped on my blanket-covered lap as I focused especially hard to understand Nolitha’s South African accent. She talked about the concept of eldership, which she said has nothing to do with age, but has to do with listening to all voices and having compassion for others. Very timely advise I struggle with my presentation to the Northeast Park Hill Coalition about why the Park Hill Golf Course land should be a public park.

I opened my journal and wrote about an idea Alex had, which was to basically entirely cede my time for the presentation to the others that were gathered to listen. I started to think this tactic would have powerful effect – maybe instead of talking more, I should give our community the chance to express itself.

I then got off the couch and put my lid on my travel mug (after first making sure the tea was cool enough to drink). I selected a podcast, Committed by Jo Piazza, and specifically chose a shorter episode about a progressive woman and a conservative man who fell in love in the 70’s despite their ideological differences and are still married today. Again, it helped me ponder how to love and listen to ideas in contrast with your own. Their solution regarding abortion rights, something that both felt strongly and oppositely about? Don’t talk about it anymore. Hm.

But they also said you always need to defend your mate in public. And I am thinking about how I need to also defend my neighbors in public.

And then I saw the foxes! My first time ever seeing foxes on the golf course. They loped behind some trees after observing me carefully. And I thought, I can’t miss the chance to express how important this open green space is to me and so many of my neighbors. So then I thought, I will still cede a lot of time back. I have only 10 minutes. I will take three minutes to talk about why we want this land to become a park. And that the public vote will give us the power to make sure that the fate of the land is truly in the community’s hands. And then I will hand back 7 minutes for questions and comments and I will commit to listening. It feels like a good compromise. Now I just need to make my presentation incredibly short and impactful.

When I returned, I put on Yoga with Adriene’s “Yoga to Get the Juices Flowing,” which was a less than 10-minute practice.

By the time I was done with all of that, it was 6:30am. Plenty of time to feed the cats, water the garden, make the bed, scoop the litter. I showered and lotioned and put on a little makeup and blowdried my hair and sent my first work email at 7:30am.

Tonight, I will start my evening routine at 8pm:

• Change into pajamas
• Floss and brush teeth
• Wash face (maybe a face mask)
• Feed cats
• Scoop litter
• Lay out workout clothes
• Pick meditation
• Pick podcast for morning walk
• Pick yoga/workout
• Write down affirmation/goals on a sticky note along with the meditation and podcast and yoga and place on top of the workout clothes
• Finish any dishes; wipe down counters
• Sleepytime tea
• IN BED by 9pm

This morning I feel anxious but a little less so than I think I might have without this routine. I am also hopeful that I will have a productive day. And grateful for my morning.

Day 2 – Alcohol-Free 2020

This is a true Day 2. Because I drank from Dec. 23rd through Dec. 31st. But I’m forgiving myself that week of debauchery. There’s nothing else I can do, really. It’s already said and done.

Yesterday began a new decade. And I started it out not too hungover, actually. I was with my best friend and boyfriend. We ate pizza and drank beer and watched Men in Black and music videos from the late 90’s and early 00’s. After we counted down to the new decade, my friend and I went to the basement to dig through old photos. And while we were there, immersed in memories, he shared some extremely distressing news about his new boyfriend. Some really deceitful, nasty shit. So we talked through it and he cried and we finished our beers.

I felt dead sober at 2:45am despite having had alcohol in my system for the better part of the previous 12 hours. I flossed. Brushed my teeth. Washed my face. Put on pajamas. Joined Alex in bed where he had wisely retired a couple of hours earlier.

I worked my way out of bed yesterday morning around 9am, and could have felt worse. The morning seemed especially quiet and cozy. My friend left for home, and Alex and I talked about our goals for the year. He wrote his out and we started on a not terribly ambitious but productive day of laundry, cleaning, going for a walk despite the cold and clouds, cooking lunch and dinner, and reflecting on what was past and what is before us.

I’ve broken down my BIG goals for 2020 into smaller goals for January:

1. No alcohol
2. Yoga every morning (courtesy of Yoga with Adriene)
3. Average 5,000 steps per day
4. Stay within 1,550 calories for at least 25 days

My reward upon hitting these goals: a mani/pedi at Love Fashion Nails.

I’m starting at 130.8 lbs today, which is a healthy weight for someone my height. But it doesn’t feel healthy to me. I feel like I am carrying extra bags of stuff, like I haven’t emptied my purse of all the empty medicine bottles and used tissues and granola bar wrappers. I feel weighed down, tired. I want to release the burden of this extra weight. I want to feel more comfortable in my clothes. I want to walk upright and feel lighter on my feet and in my heart. Long-term, I want to sunbathe in Aruba wearing a string bikini and feeling completely confident.

I’ve experimented with goals before with varying success, and I think these little goals, with a reward at the end, will work for me. I can take it a day at a time, but also see results fairly quickly. And I can modify my baseline month-to-month. I’m already enjoying the journey, and isn’t that enough?

❤

An early start on Sober 2020

Last week, we celebrated Thanksgiving and Alex’s mom’s 60th birthday in Portland. We caught up with friends, ate tons of food, stayed up way too late, and of course…drank copious amounts of alcohol.

The night before the trip, we finished off the Eimir vodka we bought in Iceland two-and-a-half years ago. It was fun reminiscing about our trip, and the flavor really did transport us back to Reykjavik. But even though I had already been drinking champagne, the harshness of the booze was really hard to swallow – I had to mix it with Topo Chico to choke it down. And of course I did, because I wanted the buzz.

The next day, we had beer – and I drank lots of vodka – at a pub with Alex’s friends. The lower altitude made it tougher to feel the effects of the alcohol but I got there eventually.

I woke up the next morning with a puffy red face and bloodshot eyes but tried to make myself look respectable for a 7am, 4-mile walk with Alex’s mom and her friends. I waited until about 1pm to have my first Thanksgiving drink – I can’t even remember where I started because I jumped around from white wine to beer to vodka to whiskey.

Naturally, I wasn’t feeling great the next day, but of course I had the strongest beer they offered off the lunch menu (I couldn’t finish it because it was *so* bitter) and another while I ironed my dress for dinner. I didn’t drink at dinner because we were with my best friend and her husband who weren’t drinking, but I sure would have! Not drinking with them meant a more focused and memorable evening.

But I was right back on the drinking horse for the birthday party on Saturday, starting with champagne, moving to beer, then vodka, then red wine when we got home. I ended up pouring out the second glass of red wine I had poured myself but it wasn’t enough precaution to save me from stomach aches and sleeplessness. I woke on Sunday morning with one thought: I’ve got to stop drinking NOW.

So I did. I’m starting Sober 2020 one month early, and there’s no chance I’ll regret it. But now I am thinking more and more about quitting drinking forever.

I downloaded This Naked Mind from Audible and I’ve listened to about half of it. The message is clear: alcohol simply has no benefit whatsoever, and any perceived benefit is bullshit.

I know this is true. I drink primarily to shut off or relax, but I almost always end up drinking too much, resulting in embarrassing bouts of crying or saying things I regret or puking – not very relaxing. I don’t think I have actually enjoyed the taste of red wine in…years? I do like the flavor of beer, but I have found Hop Tea to be an amazing replacement with absolutely no risk of overdrinking or a hangover. Alcohol is wholly inconsistent with my nutrition and fitness goals. It’s a goddamn waste of money. Drunk people are annoying. Drunk sex is not good. Alcohol is seriously addictive and makes me feel like shit after I drink it – both mentally and physically. It prevents me from driving (what if I needed to run to the emergency vet but I was three glasses deep?).

So…I’m finally done. I’m rejecting the allure of flavored poison. I’m not going to drink it on international vacations or for special occasions. Nope. Instead, I am going to be present. Treat myself with kindness. Listen to my body.  Get some good rest and increase flexibility and stamina and strength. If I want to indulge or escape, I’ll have hot chocolate and take a bath and read a book. I’m so over this cycle. I’m done with it. It ends now.

Day 28 of S’elever / Day 1 of the One Year Challenge

Today is Day 1 of the One Year Challenge.

The plan:

• Mondays – Lower Body
• Tuesdays – Cardio
• Wednesdays – Upper Body & Core
• Thursdays – Cardio
• Fridays – Lower Body & Back

Barbell squats, leg presses, barbell deadlifts, dumbbell presses & rows, planks, and curls are all lined up in my future. Thanks to training session with my little brother, I’ve got my starting weight set. I know where the machines and racks are in my gym and how to use them. I’ve got the workout clothes. The monstrously huge water bottle. Meals prepped. The scooter. The plan. Now it’s time to execute!

Today is also an early start of Sober October to make sure I start off with the best circumstances for success.

As for calorie counting…I think I am going to lay off of that for now. It’s stressful, time-consuming, and I *think* I can stay within reasonable limits without tracking for now. I need to focus on just a few things at a time, and those things are (1) waking up early as hell to lift heavy-ass weights and (2) not drinking alcohol.

OK, off to the gym!

Day 4 of S’elever – Oops

So, here I was, congratulating myself on my smart food choices and carefully calculating my basal metabolic rate, marveling at how much easier it was to just eat 1,500 calories max despite my activity level and still have a significant caloric deficit.

But I miscalculated my basal metabolic rate.

It turns out it’s really more like 1,400 or 1,500 calories. Which means that to cut, I have to go down to the bare bones minimum of 1,200 calories.

So, now I am feeling less confident that I can do this. 1,200 calories = I am hungry. Even when I am eating wholesome food.

I know that I have fat to lose. I see it in my belly, thighs, waist, hips, and arms. I know that strength training does not torch calories. So I have to eat less and strength train for a long period while only having a pretty measly amount of calories. That sounds miserable.

I think I am going to have to consult Thinner, Leaner, Stronger on this one. I’ll stick to my plan today, which is just over 1,500 calories. That won’t sabotage me. I also went to the gym today and did some fairly light cycling and some pretty decent ab work. I also did not drink last night even though my boyfriend and little brother did.

Stay tuned for how I figure this piece out.

 

Day 3 of S’elever – Food Tracking

There’s no question that if you want a healthy and fit-looking body, you’ve got to eat right. For me, because I am carrying excess fat, I need that fat to come off. Which means I need to cut calories.

I eat pretty well. I plan meals, shop for healthy & wholesome food, and my amazing boyfriend preps the vast majority of my meals. He’s an excellent cook with a knack for achieving delicious flavors. So for me, I pretty much just have to eat less of the food I am used to, with a few other modifications.

My basal metabolic rate – the amount of energy I burn at rest – is about 1,830 calories.

If I stick to a diet that comes in at 75% of that rate – or around 1,373 calories – I’ll lose weight.

In the past, I would set the MyFitnessPal at 1,200 calories per day, then be sure to calculate all of my steps and exercise so that number would rise to somewhere closer to 1,400 or 1,500 (or even more!). I would purposely take a walk around the block just to “earn” more calories so I could eat more, because I was hungry and suffering from cravings.

This time, I have MyFitnessPal set at 1,530 calories as a hard max. This is an appropriate amount of calories for someone that weighs 130lbs, wants to lose 1lb per week, and is “Active.” Now, I have a desk job. I walk a fair bit and do a lot of active chores, but I’m probably not “Active” in MyFitnessPal’s definition. However, by turning off the step counter, I am no longer counting those extra steps. And no longer obsessing about how to “earn” more calories. I just set up the food I am going to eat that day, and eat that food, regardless of whether I worked out or walked 2 miles or whatever. It’s so much less work!

And I am finding that I’m not so darn hungry anymore. Because I’m not thinking about it. Sure, I could cut more to see results faster. But I know from past experience that it’s that’s not sustainable for me.

Today, for instance, I measured out the following:

BREAKFAST

• Kashi Go Lean cereal – 1.25C
• 2% milk – 1/2 C
• Unsweetened almond milk in my tea – 1 oz
• Fresh strawberries – 1 C

LUNCH

• Veggie soup (chicken broth, potatoes, broccoli, carrots, onion, celery, bell pepper) – 1.5 C
• Dave’s Killer Bread – Thin Sliced – 1 slice (60 calories)
• Spreadable Butter – 3/4 tbsp

SNACKS

• Hard-boiled egg whites – 3
• String Cheese – 1

DINNER

• Homemade Thai basil chicken with white rice – 1.5 C
• Blistered shishito peppers from our garden – 2oz
• Trader Joe’s chicken cilantro mini wontons – 4

All in, this clocks at 1,443 calories. And look at how much food it is! Combine that with at least 1.5 liters of water, and I am no longer feeling crazy with hunger or urges to binge.

This diet still requires some discipline to maintain. But it feels so much more doable than when I was obsessing over net calories.

Day 3 is off to a good start. I went to the gym despite sore legs and did a 5-exercise, 3-circuit arm workout with light weights. Spent 5 minutes walking on the treadmill at an incline to help my poor legs feel less sore. And now I’m ready to have a productive day at work. Still feeling full from my cereal, which I ate an hour and a half ago.

I’ll be back at the gym tomorrow for Day 4, then taking a break from the gym until Monday. Thinking of Alison Brie’s abs and arms for inspiration. 🙂

 

Day 2 of S’elever – Resilience

I woke up this morning with some good excuses to not go to the gym.

1. I was tired. I got into bed later than I had planned (around 9:45pm instead of 8:45pm).
2. I was sore. I am experiencing DOMS from my lower-body workout yesterday.
3. Rest days are fine! C’mon, just get a rest day in!
4. Alex could give me a ride to work. Much less of a pain than taking the bus!

But I got up at 5am. Fed the cats. Got dressed. Packed my lunch. Headed for the bus.

As I was walking towards my stop, I saw the 43 come and go. Missed it by about 30 seconds. That meant that I had to walk a few blocks to the 40 to connect with the 15. And that I’d be in the gym later than I wanted to be…6:15am instead of 6:00am. I thought about just going straight to work.

But I walked to the 40. Caught the 15. And while I walked and waited, I entered my meals info MyFitnessPal. I’m allowing myself a max of 1530 calories without any added room due to calories burned, and it’s completely doable. I searched for some ab workouts. Googled how to exercise when sore.

I made it to the gym just a few minutes after 6am. Hopped on a stationary bike for 10 minutes just to work out my legs a bit, and hopefully reduce the soreness.

Then I did 3 sets of 4 ab exercises: push-up rows, standing side crunch things (not sure what to call them but you just stand up with a weight in one hand and dip that hand down towards the ground and back up), Russian twists, and bird dogs. Finished out with some light yoga stretching. It felt good!

I’m on target with my nutrition. Happy to have a night mostly off (just talking to an old friend about whether or not he should attend law school) so I can do some laundry and relax a bit. I’m doing well at work and have a lot to do today, all of which I am confident I can get done.

I know it’s only Day 2, but I am grateful that I’m sticking to my plan, whatever excuses I may dream up. S’elever!